Dear Sir or Madam,

On the 17th of December the Romans celebrated Saturnalia. It was marked by high jinks and japes and reversal of social roles, in which slaves and masters switched places. It was a time to eat, drink, and be merry, and indulge in lascivious and licentious behaviour.

On 17th December 2010 we are serving the XXXXXXX Christmas Lunch at the London XXXXXXX XXXXXX…

Amazing.

(And it goes on to quote Catullus (“Saturnalibus, optimo dierum”) at the end, completely unironically and detached from the original context.)

Best costume ever.

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To whom it may concern,

I am writing regarding the proposals announced this morning regarding the possible closure of BBC 6music and the BBC Asian Network. As a fervently loyal supporter of the BBC and the licence fee, it is my belief that, contrary to the stated aim of closing these stations, they each fulfil a remit that commercial broadcasting does not, and will never, cater for. 6music in particular is one of the jewels in the BBC crown, currently the only widely-available radio station specifically aimed at music lovers and dedicated to employing knowledgeable presenters that effectively and symbiotically communicate with their audience. While other areas of the BBC may be said to stand directly in competition with commercial broadcasters, this simply cannot be said of 6music.

I understand that these proposals have to be considered and approved by the BBC Trust before any cuts are made, and so would like to add my voice to those requesting that the Trust consider rejecting any call to close these stations, which by their very existence prove the validity and necessity of the BBC’s own existence in this day and age.

Kind regards,

Sebastian Patrick

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Update: My good friend and partner-in-writing-crime James Hunt has rather excellently written up a very useful guide to the various courses of action that listeners can take to try and help persuade the Trust to save the station. In a nice bit of circuitousness it links back here, and uses my above letter as a template, but improves it and also suggests the best address to send it to. So if you’re interested, go and read that!

I know they’re only on “sabbatical” while Joe goes and directs a fillum or something, but… *snif*. With As It Occurs To Me having only had such a short run, my morning commutes are currently looking (or, rather, sounding) BLEAK. A man can’t survive on Collings and Herrin, Football Weekly and House to Astonish alone…

I may not be the most hirsute individual, but I think I’ve given this a pretty decent crack. I’ve risked ridicule (no, seriously, some scally shouted “get a shave!” at me the other day, I don’t think he noticed the fact that I had in fact been carefully shaving around the moustache almost every day) but come out with a not-entirely-unsuccessful bit of handlebar action (althuogh I was shamed by a chap I spotted on the DLR with absolutely immense handlebar whiskers extending a good couple of inches below his chin). So if – and as it’s the end of the month, it’s the last time I’ll plead this – anyone would like to support my endeavours and give a bit to prostate cancer charity, then I’d appreciate it greatly.

Here’s my donation page, and it’d be lovely if I could get up to £100…

Thanks in advance for anyone’s support!

Either that or something to do with split-screens, anyway.